“Chapter 11”

La Vieja, Chapter 11

BY DEENA METZGER

The old stories of human relationships with animals can’t be discounted. They are not primitive; they are primal. They reflect insights that came from considerable and elaborate systems of knowledge, intellectual traditions and ways of living that were tried, tested, and found true over many thousands of years and on all continents.

But perhaps the truest story is with the animals themselves because we have found our exemplary ways through them, both in the older world and in the present time, both physically and spiritually. According to the traditions of the Seneca animal society, there were medicine animals in ancient times that entered into relationships with people. The animals themselves taught ceremonies that were to be performed in their names, saying they would provide help for humans if this relationship was kept.

La Vieja sees them, sees Léonie and Lucas, seated below on what she knows is soft earth, needles and leaves, leaning against one of the sugar pines, the one, as it happens, she favors, though she reminds herself this cannot be as when she descends, as she does each day, she sees another landscape not unlike theirs, but still different. They’ll all see Ponderosa Pines, Douglas Firs, Spruce and Incense Cedars but in different configurations. For this moment, it is simple; she looks down and sees them in their territory. Close focus is difficult as La Vieja has trained herself to look for fires—that is her task here—and so she has cultivated distant perspectives but now she is looking closely and her equilibrium is shaky. Also she is looking into another dimension and this requires another focus altogether. It may be for this reason, although she sees them, they do not see her.

Here we are. Two people who did not exist some months ago have come to life. Léonie Augusta because of her relationship with non-humans and Lucas Jay because Léonie asked him if she could help him and he really needed help, his soul was longing for it. We have witnessed their beginnings. These moments, the sperm and egg from which they spring. Later we may fill in a history that conforms to our sense of time but those details are arbitrary and may not be requisite. It is a curious experience to watch something entirely unfamiliar come to be totally unexpectedly, and then realize that although they are newly alive, one’s own life is and will continue to be intertwined with theirs. Nothing will ever be the same. Like a meteor entering the atmosphere from far away in space, beyond one’s imagining and depositing unique life forms that intersect with ours.

These, you understand, are the same two that La Vieja saw at the foot of her Lookout earlier in this text. She witnesses them. She testifies to their existence. Because we are so literal minded as a people, we can only imagine being on the watch for fires, or storms, or invading armies. For danger, not hope. She is not a witness to something that happened, but a witness to an event that is occurring in the moment while creating its own past, the mysterious and unpredictable circumstances from which it arose and became inevitable, affecting everything and everyone, La Vieja and myself, the Writer included, and ultimately, you the reader as well because any and every new element in the world affects us all, everything being connected. 

The enormous chasm between what we are learning about the nature of the world and what we can understand, that distance between the two is not a factor to preoccupy us, because once we touch in any way we are eternally connected, and so nothing is separate from anything else, though each one of us is entirely distinct from all others.

Let me suggest that we give up relying on simple versions of cause and effect, or that one thing leads inevitably to another or that we can trace and measure that interaction. Consider resonance instead. That events vibrate continuously, that we are drawn into a vast harmony with which we can make music eternally, unless we continue being afraid of and overwhelmed by beauty. To be in accord with the true nature of the world, we have to yield. In the perfect dance, we lead and follow each other, and then all others simultaneously. That is how the Elephants live. That is their nature. I yielded to them and so I learned yielding. And now Bears. But not dancing bears, not those tortured to dance for some perverted entertainment we seek, oblivious to another’s suffering. That’s not what is meant by dance!

Something is being born. I mean this literally if not chronologically. Léonie is not a fiction, Lucas is not a fiction. I am not, this Writer is not making up a story. Look, it is happening, right there. Their manifestation cannot be dismissed as a mere act of imagination. Not when the Imagination is a real world. I am not willing to say that Léonie is a fiction, nor that Léonie wouldn’t exist without me. Like the proverbial question: Has a tree fallen in the forest if no one has heard it? You bet it has. The question points to our great delusion that humans are the center of the universe and nothing exists without us. This self-centeredness, this narcissism may partly be responsible for the dire fate of the Earth. Would I exist without Léonie? Yes and no. Maybe in another life. But not in this life, because she calls this life, this moment, into being. Does Léonie exist without me, that is, independent of me? Seems very likely except that you would not know about her existence in the same way. As the Writer, I don’t give her life; I give you access to her life. And so I give her access to you.

I presume that is why I have been given the responsibility of recording his as it comes to view. While I am not affecting the action or the story in any way, we are still profoundly interconnected. Is this a mirror of the way life and the natural world really work though we have been given to believe that cause and effect are much more direct and able to be traced?

To what purpose? We can’t answer that because we don’t know where this is going, only what is appearing, only what is being revealed in the way the Przewalski’s horses entered this text a few pages ago, came out of nowhere, a year and a half after it began. It isn’t easy, not only because I don’t understand and don’t know what is coming but because the forms, shapes, sounds and thoughts in this realm don’t translate into words perfectly. And yet it is my task to bring them forth.

Welcome to the mysterious tangle of spiritual intelligence, intent and the unknowable.

I feel compelled to repeat certain words—mysterious, inexplicable, unfathomable, incomprehensible. It is the consequence of standing at this juncture of what is real where events and occurrences are entirely mysterious, inexplicable, unfathomable and incomprehensible, where the nature of reality shifts so entirely that it seems our minds must break from the impact of it. So we shatter and put ourselves together again, but most tentatively and in a different configuration. One we can’t predict.

This is the way it was when Galileo asserted that the Earth was not the center of the universe. That was an earthquake! Or when we had to understand that matter isn’t solid, and that the laws of physics and the laws of quantum mechanics are different.

Now the contemporary tsunami: the human being is not the center of the universe. The human is not the purpose and pinnacle of evolution; there are other species who carry great intelligence, even greater intelligence than ours. They carry spiritual development in ways we cannot imagine, that we lack the capacity to perceive, let alone judge. Maybe humans are the equivalent of a small if awesomely beautiful Earth revolving in a third orbit around a small sun in a universe of billions and billions of such suns. While it may be that life as we know it, that sacred enigma, is rare in the universe, life doesn’t necessarily imply human, or even earthly. There well may be a myriad wondrous forms wiser than we are, that we cannot fathom because we are unable and unwilling to acknowledge what is beyond our benighted and very dangerous selves. Because we are not capable, because our minds have not encompassed reality.

I am reminded of looking down while flying in a small plane at about 12,000 feet across the desert in Namibia and seeing patterns on the Earth that I had first seen in the art of Aboriginal people, which I thought then were abstract images until I realized the artists or dreamers understood things I did not and were rendering the meaning of the landscapes they saw, physical and interior, through their visionary art, however it was that they came to be flying, and so able to see the design. The parallels are so exact, it’s as if the Aboriginal artists have indeed flown across this territory, or that their desert landscapes look enough like this desert that when they fly this is what the spirit world reveals to them. The physical appearance isn’t just happenstance. It develops over millions, billions of years, but physical evolution doesn’t explain the configurations. There are other levels that just begin to reveal themselves to seers like those artists whose work we can admire but cannot yet—I don’t see any evidence we can—understand. We do not see what they see. Layers missing. Levels of understanding.

But meditating upon their art, I understood things I couldn’t say in words. The same for this terrain through which I am flying now. The Aboriginal people will fully understand, no words needed.

I can’t ask La Vieja—it would be rude and intrusive—but I do wonder what La Vieja sees. Is she learning to see with the unique perception of the Aboriginal or other Indigenous peoples? 

Two San people accompanied us to Chobe to meet the Ambassador in 2006 and while we, the non-Indigenous people were awed by what transpired, because it was the third time we had witnessed Elephants approaching us with clear intent to transmit something specific of great importance, the San were not impressed. They live in such a world of relationship and interconnection that reveals itself to them consistently and, yes, now also to those of us who are willing to see.

Having just met, Léonie and Lucas are in their own world in a small enclave of possibility, examining each other and their close surroundings, the trees, rocks, wildflowers, but not even those, not yet. Light, yes, the sun will set soon. They are aware of the light, they both seem to move slightly to gather onto themselves what light comes through the trees. They move to the light the way boughs move in the wind.

They arrived in time. Some wind, not much, enough for vitality. A breeze. Soft. Enough to feel and hear the life of the forest. And flashes of blue sky through the slightly moving limbs of the pine and spruce. He is more interested in her than anything in their surroundings, and at this mo- ment particularly her hands. She is, she said, a stone mason.

“I build walls,” she had said. “Free standing. So you can walk around them,” she said. “They often have free-standing arches constructed without mortar. Always without mortar. They serve no purpose except to be themselves. We acquire the stones from wherever we could find them after they had been moved from their original home. My task is to return them to themselves but visibly so they confront us.

“They stand firmly by the way the stones fit onto and so into each other. Sometimes there is earth between them, softening their edges, but mostly, the stones are simply placed, one on another, skin to skin. No mortar to fix them in place while still keeping them apart. Each time a stone is placed, it has to fit perfectly as if it could not be anywhere else, but where it is, upon the stone that has been waiting for it, and between the stones to the side, each perfectly suited to the other.”

She was moving her hands when she spoke as if she was before the wall and placing a stone. She had closed her eyes and bowed her head slightly looking in the dark to see the wall as it might be, scanning the pile of rocks, choosing the one that would go in this place and no other, having been taken once from its original home, she had to find another home for this life that stretched before it. It had been uprooted and she had to set it in place, had to restore and affirm the intrinsic relatedness of the universe that prevails in every quanta of the 7.3 trillion light years of the dimension of the universe. She was building a world.

It is odd, he is thinking, that she would build walls, work with stone, with the unmoving, when it seems she, herself, is always moving slightly, adjusting, affiliate with what is arising, entering, leaving.

“It may not be realistic,” she continued, when she opened her eyes and leaned back upon him again, “but I want to find the stone people homes they will cherish forever. Building a wall, means bringing the stones home. That’s why I do it.” met.

He determined then to be such a home for her though they had just

“The walls you build,” he asked, “standing alone, aren’t they lonely? Or the stones at the top, exposed as they are, aren’t they lonely? Or precarious?”

“They have weather. The foundation has earth and the capping has sky and there are always the birds that land and the squirrels and other creatures who scamper across them. The stones have weather and there is always the company of the trees. They are not alone in the world.”

The two of them had been alone in the world and now, it seemed they were not.

The old woman, La Vieja, looked down upon them, relieved, not because they were inadvertently providing company for her, but relieved that they had found each other and would not be alone. She could feel the energy that was binding them together; it was the force that keeps the planets in their orbits. There was an oppositional force which exuded from them as well that had kept them singular and single until now. It was the force that shielded them from being entangled in the conventional life around them while still always faithful to the central fire around which they circled, always had. La Vieja knew that dance of attraction and repulsion that ultimately became a steady and reliable ellipse around a great sun.

La Vieja was amused that she had come to look far and wand finding the near would have to learn another dance, equally para- doxical. Could she observe without intruding? Was it possible to witness without violating their privacy? At first, she thought this pertained to the two people below but then she realized it pertained even more to the animals. Alone, at a great height away from the ground, she blushed. How quiet she would have to become to view the animals, Bear, Coyote, Bobcat, Cougar, Fox, Squirrel without violating the integrity of their lives. How much quieter so that even Eagle and Owl would be unaware of her. Sure, she wanted to see everything but did she have a right? Did the animals want to be observed by a member of such a voyeuristic species with whom there was no reciprocal exchange?

Colleagues urged me, the Writer, to put up hidden cameras to spy on, to catch the animals at night, or in their nests and dens when she located these. The arrogance and entitlement of two-leggeds. When she had been in Botswana with the Lions who were mating, they had seen her watching them. For a brief moment, when the young lioness had backed off, it seemed that the old man had scanned her and she had, like the lioness, given him everything. He could have leaped upon her and devoured her in one action. As she is a woman, she knew how to open and she did so. In return, he yielded to the lioness who had just risen again on her hungry loins and began to circle him, ravening.

There are two Eucalyptus trees along the patio that I am certain are spirits. One trunk rises up and then bends backwards slightly, displaying her taut belly, one that had never had a child. An equal distance up, she divides into two raised arms. The bark from breast level to elbows has been stripped away and the tree’s body is smooth to the touch. Three feet away is another Eucalyptus with a massive trunk and from her very root, two narrower limbs or legs splay up. The two limbs join the trunk at her craggy groin; the old woman is offering the sweetness of age to the world. These two trees are Maiden and Crone. Is La Vieja willing to be so naked? Am I? We were once the one, the maiden, and now we are the other.

La Vieja kept looking at the two below her, but was no longer hiding herself. She knew them, of course, not the ways they knew themselves yet, but in other ways equally intimate. She has observed them directly as if looking down the hundred feet, approximately, of stairs which lead from her small shelter to the earth floor, where, depending on perspective, another set of stairs might appear leading to another Lookout three hundred miles away.

She had learned to look carefully, to note what was familiar and what slightly awry, so that she would not miss, out of distraction, the small signs that might be of concern, a subtle shading in the sky, a slight shift in color in one place while in another an unexpected haze or a shift of wind apparent in the gentle countermovement of branches and leaves that might indicate heat arising from an illegal campsite or fire. Over time, she had become skilled. It is why she had come here. She wanted, finally, to learn to see. Not daring to consider what use might come of what might be revealed but needing to remain clear-eyed without interpreting. What was the visual equivalent of emptiness? Seeing without naming. Observing without judgment. Seeing in a different ways.

What does that mean, seeing in different ways? How do the lenses of our cosmologies determine what we see? Is it possible to see a fact without looking through a cosmology? Science said yes, but isn’t that the illusion of its perspective? I get up and walk to the southeast corner of this land and turn around slowly, examining everything before me, near and as far as I can see. 360 degrees. My virtual lookout. What do I see when I give myself over to this virtual lookout?

La Vieja pulled herself away from the two below her and traversed the walkway, almost panicked. Fires everywhere. Some were very close, the air dense with smoke, and here and there, toxins rising into the air, black fumes and unnatural colors. If she continued to stare, she would find it hard to breathe and if the firewall moved closer, it would certainly take her down. She had to look away. This is where she was challenged. She was in the process of not looking away, of being resolute in bearing witness. But would anything come from her succumbing to the heat? No, she decided. It would bring the fire closer and much more than her life would be endangered. Yet, she did not rush to call the Rangers.

She cast her gaze further as if a telescope aimed at the sky, the farther away she looked, the further away in time. The fires weren’t all current. Some were fires of the last years, Paradise, Australia, the Amazon, Chernobyl, Fukushima were still burning, still smoldering though common sense (another point of view) said they were out and need not call our attention when indeed she had resolved never to look away. 

And then the question came to her: was it possible to put out the fires which were still burning in the past because the causes had never been addressed? 

She scanned all the directions again, aware that she had successfully taught herself to look far, farther than she imagined it was possible to see. Some of the fires were not from the past, some were burning in the future, but their light hadn’t reached us yet. She could see far enough to perceive them but she had no idea yet and might never know whom to call or how to begin to extinguish them, let alone prevent them from being ignited in the first place. Which, unknowingly, had she set? 

La Vieja looked from the two below her to the fires and back again and to the fires again. The movement prevented her from being dazed by despair. She needed to know she could look back to that view even as now she scanned the green forest around her where there was at this moment no sign of danger, and then she looked below and saw the familiar footing of her Lookout. Then again, a slight shift, not a filmic dissolve but so rapid a substitution of another reality it was seamless, and there they were again, perhaps only one hundred and fifty feet away, still as the planets in the night sky, breathing in and out each other’s breaths permeated by the breath of the trees, listening, like she was, to merge with them, listening for the Bears.

A film of a tribal village had been made by an anthropologist who had shown it to the tribespeople. The tribal observers had not been able to “see” the chickens who were pecking in the dust though they saw them perfectly when among them. They were not trained to differentiate the pixels in the ways Westerners are trained. The images were merely images, two dimensional moving shapes which interested them not at all. Representations were not real. What then, the anthropologist wondered, about their art? He would have had to penetrate far more deeply into the culture, would have had to take on another mind or understanding, to experience the reality of the sacred images they carved and painted. He and his cololeagues had been cautioned against, “going native.” Although participatory observation was encouraged, it was to assure those studied of the sincerity of the scientist, it was never intended for the anthropologist to fully accept the world view of the other and live accordingly. Objective observation was the goal, subjective experience the means. The anthropologists must always hold themselves apart. The film proved to the tribespeople how remote the filmmaker was from reality. The image of the chicken was not a sacred image and so it was not real and so it did not exist. How much the Western anthropologist missed by his remove. The tribespeople would not explain what they did see because the anthropologist was the one unable to see. It was the anthropologist who could not organize “the data” to perceive what was real. The anthropologist could not speak the tribal language as a Native and the English language could not hold perceptions foreign to it.

“The image of the chicken was not a sacred image and so it was not real…” La Vieja lifted her eyes from the two below her and then back to them. Something shifted as she changed her focus. Shifted because, it seemed to her she was expecting the shift. But what if she moved her gaze without a change in concentration or tone? What if she lavished the same interest on the Pine that they were leaning against as upon them, as if it were an extension of them, one of their limbs? The tree also urged her heart to open the way it opened in their presence. She stilled herself as best she could. She was not contriving this response: what if the sincere expression of the sensation of love onto the tree sustained it? What if she, bathing the future with her great love for the land, quenched the future fires?

She could do so ritually because it was true in her. There might not be much in her that was entirely reliable, but her love for these great beings, this landscape, was true.

It felt so heady, though it was not of the mind but of the heart. Indigenous people thought with the heart but now she was seeing through the lens of the heart as well. Time then to close her eyes. To stop. To rest.

She believed she had seen the two before, probably in her imagination because they were so familiar to her and she knew their names and details of their lives, confirmed by the conversations with each other which La Vieja was overhearing. She recognized their stories, imprints more telling than fingerprints.

Now they were here. Just below. Embodied in all ways. She can almost touch them. For a moment as she gazed at them, they tensed a little with anticipation and their muscles tightened, their bodies taut in expectation of the others coming, the Bears, they hoped.

Turning and turning, walking, from east to west, from dawn to nightfall, from then to now, round and round the boardwalk as if walking the rotations around the sun, walking time and space, hoping the momentum, the passage from past to present, might help her reach the deep connection from which wisdom might arise. The two appeared below her, albeit in an- other geography, another time, another dimension. She had to keep her fo- cus, the ongoing inquiry, her desperate and perhaps naïve assumption that if she kept asking questions, kept looking farther and farther, further and further, where both knowledge and the past, even the far past resided as one, she would get an answer or a direction. That ancestors would answer, whether it was a short-faced Bear who 11,000 years ago might have walked exactly where the Lookout is now, or her own equally unknown great- great-grandmother, someone or another from the other side to guide her, some voice, some communication beyond herself would finally arrive, some explosion to illuminate these times, like light arriving finally from the ring of fire we call the Big Bang, our own birth throes. Wisdom. Might she hope for wisdom?

They had not built a fire because the continuing and intensifying fire seasons prohibited what had been totally acceptable when Léonie was a child. Her father had built the fire as soon as they had arrived at their hideaway. She stayed by it after he and her mother had withdrawn to their tent. Her father trusted her to be attentive even when she was quite young. The Bears agreed the fire pits indicated a meeting place for Bears and child.

Léonie and Lucas will build a fire later in the cabin woodstove but it was not one the Bears would join in the way Léonie always shared a fire in her dreams. Without a fire, what would draw them? How would they know she was returning to them, now and here? She sniffed, snuggled more deeply into Lucas, rubbed against the roughness of his red and black plaid wool shirt, differentiating his scent from the surrounding scents, waiting for the pungent odor like no other, praying they would come before it was dark. La Vieja began this vigil with them, looking into the woods for what life might be there. No matter how dark it gets, La Vieja could see them, curious that it was this vision that was given to her during this vigil.

The Bear sensing Léonie and Lucas upwind of him but down the slope moves toward their Lookout. He is examining the stairs, establishing the fact of them. He knows humans can’t climb the way he does and are con- tinuously finding ways to augment their biological limitations. He scratches his back against the nearby sugar pine, not honey, but sweet enough, then turns swiftly and is up the trunk, up, swift to the branches which lean out to the deck and settles into the crook, observing.

They look out from this shelter, he understands, for he has often been in, has taken on their body mind, or if not theirs specifically yet, La Vieja’s, and if not hers, many others, even former residents in this cabin. His small brown eyes crinkle and his black stub nose crinkles; sight and smell often fuse for him into a single way of knowing. Why distinguish them? He can scent the two from below and the odor from the cabin verifies them.

From this perch, he can also smell the stream that has carved the valley below, her tireless pursuit of her beloved river that likewise rushes toward the distant, irresistible salt tang, the current that rises from the sea seeking the warming, sundrenched earth. One wind becomes the other, the salt laden wind sinks as it crosses the land and then rises on the exhale of trees to slide down again to the waters, a mixture, a little twirl, invisible turbulence or the spout of a whale bellowing, and then the dissolve into the sea and beginning again. Wind, rising and falling, in land and offshore, warm and cooling, fierce and gentle, a field of actions interpenetrating and dispersing, distinction without separation. Everything is in motion, that is what life is, even the boulders he lies on when he wants to warm himself in the sun, or those which have been formed into the cave he enters to sleep for a winter, are all still in movement, as are even the stones, though so slowly a human will miss it, but he doesn’t. Everything in motion, every- thing. As long as the humans aren’t there, all is well. As long as the humans aren’t there now or later. He is always seeking exceptions as they are so numerous.

He looks in every direction. But he knows this is no way to see, or for him to see in the manner the humans call seeing; assuming that the visual yields the most significant understanding is remote for him. So much can occur, is occurring between where he is cradled in the tree and the stream he senses and beyond, a world of beings, multitudes in dynamic interconnection, no human being can take it in. The humans must ignore these exchanges for if they were aware of each, they would explode, for it would mean carrying the entire universe, actively, at once. They cannot, will not open to it. Although his way is simple, it is sufficient. Even as sight and smell inform him, what he knows best at this moment is tree, because he knows her, this moment, with his entire being. He examines the deck, the faux timber, and the distorted and altered scents that arise from it. Then another scent rises and descends the tree, each motion releasing an aroma as if conversational. His touch, her response. The two humans are seated a short lope from him and he will loop around a good distance and approach them from the east. They are waiting for him; they are attuned to the proper etiquette to encounter the wild. Him.

Léonie is leaning back into Lucas and he is settling against the sugar pine so that the Bear senses he has the freedom to approach or not as he wishes. As he, the Bear, wishes. They consciously open to his choice and this reception exudes from them like an aroma so that even La Vieja can smell it a hundred or more feet away.

Soon the Bear will approach and this is what will occur. Or the Bear approached and this is what occurred. La Vieja won’t reveal what has or will occur while it is occurring. She would not dare to influence this event in any way. Having said this, it is best if we learn what happened after the fact.

Imagine how quietly he walked that he was suddenly before them, standing erect, nine feet tall, without either of them, or La Vieja, having heard him. That is an awesome height to confront. Lucas tightened his fin- gers on Léonie’s arms inadvertently but she remained still because the mo- ment Bear appeared, she fell into the dream realm and was calmed by memory and experience. Lucas doesn’t have such an experience and further, he understood instantly that Bear was not here for Léonie, he was here to discern who Lucas is. He had smelled the two of them from many miles away. From the moment, they arrived, he smelled them. And La Vieja? Of course, he smelled her in the other realm that she inhabits. No animal has a better sense of smell than a Bear. So let’s be conservative, Bear smelled them when they were within 20 miles of him because they had the windows of their car open. This only gives us distance. It doesn’t give us time.

Bear had come to see if Lucas is a killer. He already knew Lucas didn’t have a gun or a hunting rifle in his car. He would have known immediately, by odor and intuition and would never have approached, but rather sounded the alarm to all the Bears in the vicinity, especially the female Bear who is currently eating and eating because she is carrying his cubs and needs to put on lots of weight to support the three of them in the winter when they will be born while she hibernates. At some point he may compete with the grown males, but not now. Now he wants his gene pool in the world. It is robust.

Bear wanted to know if Lucas has ever carried a rifle. Not whether he has one now, whether he has ever carried a rifle. He has to smell back forty years. A Polar bear can track a scent forty miles but this Black Bear has to track back forty years. He isn’t concerned about Léonie, she is a woman and she is a dreamer. But Lucas is a man. A two-legged male. He will have to prove himself. Bear stood his full height, rubbing his back against the closest pine. Then he turned and ran his claws down the bark of the tree, marking it. If Lucas used guns, Bear intended to mark him. This is 2020. Men are exceedingly dangerous. Trustworthiness needs to be proven again and again, and from Bear’s point of view, is never certain.

Then Bear perceived something odd. He put his nose into the wind, but that was not the source of the scent. He couldn’t place it because it wasn’t from this geography but it wasn’t alien either—it was distant, it came from miles away. Even a thousand miles away and many decades earlier. It didn’t overpower Lucas’ scent, but it was a portion of it. Old. Passed on. Female. Had he spoken English, Bear would have said Mexico, then pine nuts, prickly pear, madrone, yucca. He began to ease. It was an old scent, several hundred years old. The Bear couldn’t know what has occurred since, and Lucas probably didn’t know either. But Lucas came from this hemisphere. He was born here as were his mother’s mothers and fathers centuries before the invasion. The Bear dropped to all fours. Lucas passed his scrutiny. Thank his ancestors for this.

Bear looked over at Léonie who did not dare make eye contact, knowing she was in his sight and could hide nothing from him. He could see her almost as well as he could smell her. There was nothing she could hide from him. She went directly back into the dream where she had sat next to the male Bear. He would be able to track her there as well as here and it would protect her. She had fallen onto the mother Bear’s body but she had sat erect and cautious next to the male Bear. As she did this moment. In this moment and in the dream, simultaneously. Not worried but not casual about this encounter. She was being scrutinized by a high intelligence whose every sense was extremely sensitive—his awareness from every per- spective far more highly developed than hers. It wasn’t simply that he could smell her but he understood her from her various and varying scents. Or that he could see her precisely, had far better vision than she did, or that he could hear her so well, he could interpret each of her breaths, even from a distance. It wasn’t only that his senses were so very refined and developed, like microscopes, telescopes, finely tuned instruments, it was more the ways he processed the information that he had received, until he felt con- fident that he could make a valid assessment of how Léonie would affect Bear’s present and future. He had progeny, after all. He’d better have prog- eny. There were two possibilities he was considering: these two could sustain his species’ future, or they could kill it. These two were allies or murderers. Only these two possibilities? Yes, only these two!

The Bear perceived Léonie entirely, everything about her now, everything, and her past, as with Lucas, and his origins and so her origins. She knew she didn’t comprehend him. Her task was to acknowledge this in all ways. There was nothing she could keep secret and so she opened. Even Lucas felt the flood of revelation as it passed by him to the Bear. He caught the wave of it. The full scent of woman’s heart and a wisp of four-legged intelligence flooded his entire being. She would want reciprocity from Lucas, would want him to open to her so fully, but the presence of Bear would not be there to help him yield. He would have to learn the means alone.

Literature of Restoration and La Vieja: "Chapter 11"

As a young writer and teacher of creative writing in the 60s, I was seeking forms to align with the emerging consciousness of the times. The protagonist of my second novel, This Rough Beast, was a Lion who had escaped from a suburban zoo. I followed her as she tried to hide and make her way to some semblance of wilderness and safety in the American suburb where she had been held captive. My intention was to render her inner concerns, thoughts, responses, and the intelligence of her feelings. It didn’t occur to me that she was an unusual choice for a central character and, indeed, the humans in the text were peripheral and mentioned only because of the actions they took against her. In fact, a lion had escaped from Jungleland in Southern California and another lion had escaped from a midwestern zoo, and school children had been bused in to enjoy the hunt. I was horrified by events reminiscent of the crowds in past centuries gathered to watch beheadings. This sheer brutality demanded I write the book, identifying with the Lion.

After I had finished writing, This Rough Beast, I reached an impasse. I couldn’t find the next book. Despairing, I turned to Anais Nin for help. I had been given a copy of Cities of the Interior, published by Alan Swallow and having been equally astounded by Collage, trusted I could come to her with my dilemma. We had become friends, literature was our focus, and I wanted to learn from her. She was gently amused by my plight. “A novel is simple,” she said, “you start with a dream and end with a dream and then just fill in the middle.” I already knew dreams were to be taken seriously, and not only psychologically, but as carriers of greater vision. I immediately started to write, Flying with a Rock, the third of four novels to remain in the drawer while I mastered the craft to my own satisfaction. The title of the book comes from a line in The Teachings of Don Juan, by Carlos Castenada. At the request of my dear friend, anthropologist, Barbara Myerhoff, Peyote Hunt and Number Our Days I had given the manuscript to Anais Nin, who became instrumental in the publication of Carlos’ first book. We were all recognizing wisdom traditions older than, beyond, the conventions of Western culture.

In 1987, I journeyed with journalist and human rights activist Victor Perrera and Morena Monteforte to meet her Mayan mother at Lake Atitlan in Guatemala. In this section from La Negra y Blanca, the character, Doña Vida, like her real counterpart had refused to marry Morena’s father, then a young man who became the renowned writer and former Vice President of Guatemala, Mario Monteforte Toledo, because he would not relinquish his urban Ladino life for her Indigenous ways. The challenge in writing of this was to document the real events – from what may have been an attempt on Victor’s life that culminated in an entirely debilitating stroke because of his writing about the governments’ murder of the Maya, to Monteforte-Toledo’s kidnapping his infant daughter – while expanding the historic to include the various worlds and perspectives which intersected in each moment.

Similarly, the Bear, his sensibility and perception are central to the section from La Vieja: A Journal of Fire, as I believe it is the writer’s responsibility to go beyond the limits of culture and even human thought, to attempt to perceive the real heart and intelligence of the other beings who share this planet with us, or to investigate the joint revelations of astrophysics and inner vision that, for example time and space merge and intersect in the ways, let’s say, we probe the dark matter of the universe which also lies beyond our understanding. Even as La Vieja is concerned with the real fires we are setting that threaten all life on the planet, the book also asserts that the Imagination is a real world, or perhaps, more accurately, is the real world.

Different minds, different intelligences, different realities, require different forms, language, stories with which to explore and reveal their natures. I pray we find them so we can live harmoniously in this complex and mysterious cosmos.

As a young writer and teacher of creative writing in the 60s, I was seeking forms to align with the emerging consciousness of the times. The protagonist of my second novel, This Rough Beast, was a Lion who had escaped from a suburban zoo. I followed her as she tried to hide and make her way to some semblance of wilderness and safety in the American suburb where she had been held captive. My intention was to render her inner concerns, thoughts, responses, and the intelligence of her feelings. It didn’t occur to me that she was an unusual choice for a central character and, indeed, the humans in the text were peripheral and mentioned only because of the actions they took against her. In fact, a lion had escaped from Jungleland in Southern California and another lion had escaped from a midwestern zoo, and school children had been bused in to enjoy the hunt. I was horrified by events reminiscent of the crowds in past centuries gathered to watch beheadings. This sheer brutality demanded I write the book, identifying with the Lion.

After I had finished writing, This Rough Beast, I reached an impasse. I couldn’t find the next book. Despairing, I turned to Anais Nin for help. I had been given a copy of Cities of the Interior, published by Alan Swallow and having been equally astounded by Collage, trusted I could come to her with my dilemma. We had become friends, literature was our focus, and I wanted to learn from her. She was gently amused by my plight. “A novel is simple,” she said, “you start with a dream and end with a dream and then just fill in the middle.” I already knew dreams were to be taken seriously, and not only psychologically, but as carriers of greater vision. I immediately started to write, Flying with a Rock, the third of four novels to remain in the drawer while I mastered the craft to my own satisfaction. The title of the book comes from a line in The Teachings of Don Juan, by Carlos Castenada. At the request of my dear friend, anthropologist, Barbara Myerhoff, Peyote Hunt and Number Our Days I had given the manuscript to Anais Nin, who became instrumental in the publication of Carlos’ first book. We were all recognizing wisdom traditions older than, beyond, the conventions of Western culture.

In 1987, I journeyed with journalist and human rights activist Victor Perrera and Morena Monteforte to meet her Mayan mother at Lake Atitlan in Guatemala. In this section from La Negra y Blanca, the character, Doña Vida, like her real counterpart had refused to marry Morena’s father, then a young man who became the renowned writer and former Vice President of Guatemala, Mario Monteforte Toledo, because he would not relinquish his urban Ladino life for her Indigenous ways. The challenge in writing of this was to document the real events – from what may have been an attempt on Victor’s life that culminated in an entirely debilitating stroke because of his writing about the governments’ murder of the Maya, to Monteforte-Toledo’s kidnapping his infant daughter – while expanding the historic to include the various worlds and perspectives which intersected in each moment.

Similarly, the Bear, his sensibility and perception are central to the section from La Vieja: A Journal of Fire, as I believe it is the writer’s responsibility to go beyond the limits of culture and even human thought, to attempt to perceive the real heart and intelligence of the other beings who share this planet with us, or to investigate the joint revelations of astrophysics and inner vision that, for example time and space merge and intersect in the ways, let’s say, we probe the dark matter of the universe which also lies beyond our understanding. Even as La Vieja is concerned with the real fires we are setting that threaten all life on the planet, the book also asserts that the Imagination is a real world, or perhaps, more accurately, is the real world.

Different minds, different intelligences, different realities, require different forms, language, stories with which to explore and reveal their natures. I pray we find them so we can live harmoniously in this complex and mysterious cosmos.

DEENA METZGER

/ Author

BIO

For more information about Deena Metzger, click here